The Bully Within – it’s time to let go
Updated: Sep 19, 2019
It’s over. Whether you’ve walked away from your job, or the bully was sacked, the actual process and dealing with your bully on a daily basis is over.
Or is it?
Bullying takes its toll long after the event. It’s not unusual for negative emotions such as anger, shame, guilt, and self-doubt to remain, all of which continue to affect self-esteem, confidence, health and emotional wellbeing. These in turn may continue to impact on relationships at home and at work. It can take considerable time to recover, especially without the right kind of support.
It’s not uncommon for you as the person who was bullied to relive the experience in your own mind, replaying conversations and experiences, and what you could have done differently. Through this process, you continue to allow the bully to hold power over you, even if they are no longer in your life. In effect, you now hold the bully within yourself – you’ve taken on that role. The thought processes can be as powerful as the events themselves. So, what can help you move on? Here are some thoughts to consider:
Take responsibility for yourself within the recovery process.
Recognise that you are the only person with the power to choose how to feel and how to respond
Forgive the person who was your bully. That does not mean to condone their behaviour, but to understand that you do not know their whole truth. Their behaviours are learnt from past experiences, and they have their own learning to take from the experience. That’s not your responsibility.
Raise your self awareness. Recognise what you can change, and what is not yours to deal with.
Let go of the fear, shame, guilt, anger and other negative emotions; stop destructive self talk
Make self care your highest priority, adopting healthy habits for the mind, body and spirit
Allow your true and authentic self to shine again
The changes won’t happen overnight. It will take time. Don’t be afraid to reach out and ask for all of the support that you need. You will be whole again.
Just let your true self shine.
This is one of a series of articles by Nicki Eyre about the impact of bullying. Nicki Eyre is a Transformational Coach based in Harrogate offering training and coaching support programmes for businesses and individuals. She and her team support businesses to prevent bullying, as well as individuals struggling to cope with bullying, during and after the experience. Nicki is also a speaker on the topic of workplace bullying.
Contact Nicki for a confidential discussion about your experience:
t 07921 264920